OSH Employee Wins

I went into OSH (where a man can be a man) to buy a hole saw. Yep. I said, “Hole saw.”

Cutting a hole is blocking progress on my project and I hoped I could get a good amount of it done tonight since I left work an hour early due to the power outage in Mountain View. This hole is important And I don’t want some janky, distorted trapezoid of a hole, either. Hole saws make beautiful holes.

Looking around OSH for a hole saw in the drill accessory section, I observed a white haired employee lead three men to a section of the wall near me. The employee was saying stuff like, “Here it is… for best results… ”

And one of the dudes prematurely erupts, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO. I’ll do it my own way!”

The OSH employee was taken back, justly, but continued in a level tone and the guy exploded a second time.

“SHUT UP, ASSHOLE.”

[Rude!]

Unbelievably still calm, the employee asks, “Why are you calling me an asshole?” Then the other two dudes stepped between them between them. Quieter words were said and the three dudes left.

Shame too, cause those older OSH employees are usually nice, knowledgeable and helpful.

The incident ruined the mood in the store for myself and, as I found out later, everyone else. Everyone I talked to was grumpy and unpleasant.

Hole Saws are Outrageously Expensive

Back to my errand: I was highly frustrated. Hole saws are freaking expensive. Like, $40. And I needed the hole saw for one single hole. Plus, I’ll probably never see it again like the last hole saw I paid for.

Not only are hole saws outrageously expensive, they sell the one I want/need in TWO parts. The mandrel, or the part that that attaches to the drill and spins the saw is, sold separately. Not included.

This elevated the cost scandalously to $55 for one single hole. A single freaking hole that I may, or may not, put my hand in once a week. If it were Crag selling me firewater, I wouldn’t have flinched.

I had strutted into the manly place to be expecting to buy a FIVE INCH hole saw. I think the 5″ hole saw was $1,000, or so.

Defeated, I decided to settle on a tighter, er, smaller hole. If I dropped down from 3.75 inches to 3.5 inches I could save $3. If I dropped down to 3.25 inches, I would have saved $4.

Eventually, I think I walked around with a 2 3/8″ hole saw in my hand for about five minutes. $8 with a mandrel. But I knew I was about as satisfied as if I was holding a 12 oz. plastic cup filled with $12 Budweiser Light.

Cheap and easy, I still could not settle for a smaller hole.

This was the second time OSH had let me down this week. Sunday I had purchased some multipurpose screws that required a separate single-purpose drive-bit. I found that out at home after I opened the package.

Dejected, I pulled out my phone and checked Amazon.com for hole saws. Amazon sold a SET of hole saws, including a 5″ saw and mandrels, for only $12. I dropped that whorish and tiny hole saw I was holding and left the store A.S. freaking A.P.

At home, I brought up Amazon’s hole saws on the enormous monitor of my Mac mini so I could see the saws better. Flipping through picture after picture of hole saws, I was having trouble deciding. Some were amateur, some professional. All with their brand tattooed on their profile.

Despite the variety of color: black, white, red, yellow; one set of hole saws looked like the other. Why was that one $12.58 and the other $11.98? My eyes became blurry as I scrutinized every zoomed-in pixel of the images. There were just too many and I started to loose my pokey for hole saws.

I clicked on the cheapest set I could find and started to read the reviews. Ho-ly-poop. These cheap sets were thoroughly trash-talked.

“Oval.”

“Off-centered.”

“Dull.”

“The worst thing ever made in China.”

Crap. Maybe price does matter.

This is when I realized a set of hole saws was the wrong pursuit for me. I instantly became a one-hole-saw-man. My blood was pumping once more. But what size?

I scanned the 5-inchers once again. These online high-end bitches were still too much for me. And, of course, they required a separate and costly mandrel.

Now what? My window for the hole saw to arrive by Thursday was closing fast. It’s not like I was redeeming a class action settlement from Sony Playstation, expiring in 2099.

I already put off the project last weekend and wasted a perfectly good evening, tonight, chasing down this piece. Something has got to change. I irrationally made an appeal to logic and fetched my measuring tape before heading into the room featuring my project.

“Mm. Mm. Mm hm. Oh.” Zip and snap! “Oh, my.”

I realized a 3″ hole saw would suffice. I wouldn’t be able to just jab my hand in there. I would have to rely on my fingers tips to do most of the work. But that should be okay. As long as I was careful. Maybe I should look for some protection? Some plastic prophylactic or something to prevent the errant splinter.

Finally! I can make a decision. A hot little red Vulcan Carbon model for only $6.98! Click. Click. Shipping.

Two more days and I can finish installing cabinets in my laundry  room. Maybe I should order some Amish popcorn too?

The Diesel Queens song O.S.H. (Where a man can be a man)